Relationships after college: Sex and the City Girl

Contributor: City Girl

Since this entry is only supposed to cover the dating we have done since leaving the college scene, I will leave that large chunk of drama out of it. However, it is only fair that I touch briefly on my college boyfriend since he did have such a strong effect on my life and the choices I made when we split.

For identity protection purposes I have opted to change the names of those men to be mentioned in this entry. As stated, I will start with my college boy-toy. We'll call him...Latrick. Latrick and I met Freshman year of college, and soon after he flashed me his charismatic grin he was dating me in addition to rest of the females on the college campus (and probably in the tri-state area). He finally decided he was ready to commit, which of course meant things ended two and a half years later when I found out he cheated on me a week before I graduated.

As you can imagine this did not put me in the best place where men are concerned.

The summer after college I stayed in the same town for my first paid acting gigs, and briefly dated a couple of men in the immediate area. For example, a guy who was in one of my shows. And my next door neighbor. (Hey! Don't judge. Boy was fine!)

Then I moved to New York and the torture of trying to date in the big city commenced.

See, it is HARD to meet people in New York. You wouldn't think so, but it is. Everyone is so absorbed in their own lives that they barely take the time to keep from hitting you in the head with their umbrella as they pass by on the street during the morning commute. But I did meet a man or two (decent or of moral ambiguity) and what follows is a brief summation of my dating history since my arrival in the big apple.

First there was the fireman. The fireman and I met waiting for a subway at the time square stop. We lasted about a month. Well, ok, six weeks. Then he went to Washington for an extended stay, told me he would call when he got back, and never did. I'm still convinced he had a wife and five children there, but whatever. I wasn't too involved.

Next there was the artist (not the one formally known as Prince). The artist employed me as his model back when I was still trying to find acting and modeling gigs. I will stand by my belief that he was very talented, and a genuinely sweet and caring guy. He called me his muse and fell for me hard. It was difficult to resist. He was so charming and smart. Plus he had a hot body and a nice apartment. Unfortunately, he was also going through a divorce. Obsession with me to an uncomfortable level soon ensued and I called things off. Then he accused me of using him. (???) Good times. As a side note we had dinner about six months later as "closure" and I feel like we ended things on good terms. Occasionally he still sends me a "how are you doing?" email which I answer with a curt reply and then go on pretending like that mistake never happened.

After that there was the politician's assistant. We'll call him...Mandrew. He's one of the reasons I ended things with the artist. Coincidentally, we also met waiting for a subway (at 4 in the morning I might add...I told you it's hard to meet people in New York!). You would think I had learned my lesson, but no. I'll try anything twice. Anyway, Mandrew gets a fake name because we actually lasted for about 9 months. Of course, we weren't very serious and he made sure it stayed that way. I did fall pretty hard for him though, so you can imagine how much I wanted to karate chop him in the balls after I returned from my three-month theatre training in another state and he told me we should stop seeing each other...because I wasn't the one and never would be. Yes, he said that. I really wanted to throw my drink in his face. Unfortunately, he ended things with me over three dollar beers which just wouldn't have had the same effect as a martini. Why he didn't call things off before I left and instead decided to continue to call and visit me for those three months I will never know.

My most recent mistake was the banker. Good-looking... Brazilian...rich as hell. On our second date he sprung for tickets to a very pricey Broadway show...and then revealed to me that the night we met he had sex with another woman after I left the bar. At the bar. As you can probably imagine, we didn't make it to date three.

So, in summation, I have kind of a bad dating history, especially since coming to New York. Biggest problem being that I am a relationship person trying to survive in an anti-relationship environment. (Although, I really think we are living in an anti-relationship world these days. Does anyone out there still believe in commitment and think that cheating isn't something that is just par for the course? Anyone? Bueller?) I tried to go along with it for a time, but it ended up making me completely miserable. Of course, mixed in with these outstanding entries are a few minor dating experiences such as my brief foray into J-Date. (I am of the strong belief that everyone will be meeting their spouses online within the next decade.)

My post-college dating experiences (which I largely attribute to my last boyfriend making me completely insecure) can probably be summed up in one of two catagories. Either, "it made for a good story," or, "it sounded like a good idea at the time." Dating is exhausting and rejection is painful. The city is a terrible place to try and meet potential partners, and it can often take a person a while to realize they deserve to be treated well, and that they shouldn't settle for casual dating and waiting for the phone to ring when they want so much more than that.

I decided I didn't want any more drama. I decided I wanted a dating experience that was positive and free of stress. I decided I wanted to be with someone I knew well, someone I have fun with, someone I'm comfortable with, someone I can trust.

So now I am dating a good friend of mine...who is also my best friend's ex-boyfriend.

Does this story have a happy ending? I know you are waiting to find out with bated breath.

So am I.