My Educational Experience: Dear College,

Contributor: City Girl

How did you fail me? Let me count the ways.

True, I know how to do Suzuki, Linklater techniques, design a lighting scheme for Carmen, analyze Milton's Sampson Agostines, launch into a comedic/dramatic/modern/or classical monolgue upon request, and draft a scenic plan from four angles (I also learned that drafting vellum is excellent for wrapping your breakables during a move, but that was an added bonus). For that I thank you, truly I do. However, I have a bone to pick with you as well.

Things you did not teach me which I realized (after graduation) may have been a tad helpful: how to land an audition, how to get an agent, what "Backstage" was, what U/RTA is, the specifics of equity, the qualifications for equity, how to become a member of equity, that an apprenticeship is essential, where to find apprenticeships, how to land an apprenticeship, that an MFA in Acting is actually necessary to get anywhere, what graduate schools are the best to apply to, what jobs are appropriate for supporting oneself while auditioning (this goes back to "how to get an audition"), where to go to get a headshot taken, how to know if a photographer is screwing you over, the cheapest way to get a headshot reproduced, what reproductions.com is, oh, and how to survive in the Real World.

Thing is, I know that there are other actors out there who graduated with this knowledge, while I had to stumble along and figure it all out through embarassing trial and error after I moved to NYC with a look on my face like a deer has right before it's mowed down by a semi. Granted, some of this is probably my fault as I am not the most ambitious person. However, I am also not the least, and some of the above topics I didn't even know to ask about. So, yes, I will shoulder some of the blame. However, I will also lay some of the blame on you. In fact, most of the blame. It also didn't help that you assigned me a guidence counselor who was a costume history professor. This was most helpful to an aspiring actor.

In conclusion, I really feel that you failed me, and I am still bitter about it. In fact, I probably will always be bitter about it.

Oh, and please stop calling me. It's only hurting us both and makes me uncomfortable. I think it's time to move on.

Besides, lest you forget, I graduated with a BA in Theatre. It's not like I have any money to give you anyway.

Sincerely,
City Girl

P.S. Thanks for not making me do any math.

P.P.S. I'm still bitter.