Contributor: City Girl
No, I don't really. I just like saying that because it brings back fond memories of when my best friend in college said "I have a plan" and it usually pertained to shopping, mixing amazing drinks, or getting into a variety of trouble of the most delicious kind.
Ok, enough digression. Back to the topic at hand. You see, I did have a plan. It really didn't take formation until I left high school to go to college, but it was the college I went to that decided me. I wouldn't exactly say I believe in fate, but I do believe in your options determining the outcome of your life in a very big way. I was accepted to two colleges (painful to admit, but I've never been an honor student, let's be honest) one for English, and one for Theatre. Since I didn't want to live out in the corn for four years, I opted to come out east. And with that, my fate was sealed. I couldn't make up my mind as to what I wanted to do when I left college, so I applied to the strongest fields in my areas of interest at the colleges I wanted to go to. I was accepted into the theatre department at the school I decided on and, voila! Instant plan.
Don't get me wrong. It's not like I looked through a book and was like "hmm...careers, careers...actress, perhaps?" I did really, truly, love acting and the theatre. I still do. I've been on stage since I was 7 years old, and I love the spotlight, the drama, the beauty, the passion...you get the idea. So that was it. I was set on being an actress. I made the decision (much to my parents' grief I assume) that I was going to move to New York City after I graduated to grace the stage with my presence.
So I did. I moved to New York. And then I was like "wow, this is like, hard and shit." No, no, I actually never said that. But I wanted to. My least favorite question went from: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" (As a side note, why don't I get that question anymore? I don't care how old I am. I certainly do not feel grown up, and I'm still not entirely sure what I want to do) to "WOW, you want to be an actress?? How do you DO that?" Um. I dunno. I go to auditions and then they love me and then they put me in a show and then I get an agent and then I make it big and then you see my name in lights I guess. My actual response to this annoyingly recurring question: "I'll let you know when I figure it out." Another all time favorite: "WOW, you want to be an actress? That's SO HARD!" Oh em gee. Really? I had no idea. Waiting for three hours in the pouring rain to audition for a walk on role really did not make that fact sink in. Nor did my mind-numbingly brief, yet much too long, stint working in women's lingerie to pay the rent.
I think my train of thought is getting away from me, so I'll regroup.
Plans I have had from age 5-present:
Actress (recurring)
Teacher (age 8 when I was a huge teacher's pet before I realized I can't stand kids)
Veterinarian (also age 8, before I realized I might have to put cute cats to sleep)
Gene Therapist (I still think this idea is totally cool, but it lasted for all of five minutes)
Therapist (to follow somewhat in my very successful older sister's shoes)
Lawyer (recurring throughout high school, dropped much to my grandfather's disappointement)
Publicist (most recent)
I'm sure there are more, but the theme is clear enough. It's supposed to be ok to waver a bit on the plan when you are in elementary school and your parents think it's oh-so-cute that you want to fly to the moon. Then reality sets in and it is much less cute.
I could ramble on about this for quite a while, about whether I chose acting because it was the one thing I really felt I was good at or because I had come so far I didn't want to let people down by dropping the idea, or about how I am only now just starting to get an idea of what might possibly make me happy for more than five minutes. No, I think I will wait for future entries to delve into that general confusion.
"I have a plan," sounded so much better when it involved buying cute shoes.
