Contributor: Speak Coffee
I hope I'm not being too optimistic.
I am genuinely an optimistic person. Inside of me, down in the deepest, darkest part of my core I believe in the good of the world. That things will work out when you strive to see them work. That good things happen to people who try to do good themselves. That the passionate find their passion. And that the energy around you is the energy you have sought to attract. I believe that if I believe in a positive future I will live some form of that future.
That said, speaking aloud specifics of my optimism scares the shit out of me.
Maybe it's superstitious of me. Maybe I'm afraid of jinxing things. Maybe I'm afraid of stating the future and then failing to achieve it to the nth degree I described.
One way or another, I can't sit down and say it's beginning. I'm beginning to live the life I want to live. Good things are happening to me. Because I am utterly afraid of being stripped of the good and called a liar.
It's much easier to complain about what one doesn't have than humbly rejoice with the world. Public rejoicing is distinctly hard to be humble about.
But I guess all this is just a tangent. The truth is that things have been working out okay for the time being: I got in to an MFA program (a good one that I really wanted to go to); I'm not going to have to mortgage my soul to pay for the program; I may have an in on nice housing; I may (but most likely won't) have an absolutely fabulous roommate from college to live with; I've been making money subbing as a secretary in the school system here; and I've been writing.
Okay so I've been writing really random pulp fiction but yea! for variety. Boo! for not finishing any of it. I've been submitting stories but it's all one or two stories that I finished before the start of the year. Truth be told I haven't finished a short story since New Years. Which is awkward as I have four started and unfinished in that time period.
I've also gotten into the MFA program for the fall, talked to the professor in charge of the fiction side of the MFA, talked with the graduate director once and now need to talk with her again, but through all this I remain unenrolled. I don't have classes signed up for, I don't have a student ID number, I'm not getting obnoxious amounts of mail from various departments at the university ... and it's making me anxious. Hopefully that will resolve itself this coming week, as I feel like I'm counting my chickens by telling people that I'm going next fall when their computers don't say that I'm going.
I'll still feel "up in the air" until I'm enrolled, and once I've done that I'm certain I'll feel "unsettled" until I find a place to live in my new city. Once I'm "settled" I'll have to deal with "first day at school" syndrome as well as "new kid on campus" -- although I've always liked being on new campuses and rarely have had any trouble finding myself at home in those places. But my point is that if it's not one thing it's another. As soon as one question is answered another one presents itself. We sit around saying if only I had this answer I'd feel okay, I'd feel happy, but when we get that answer we're nervous about something else.
My life is going well, it's even sounding like the future is going to go well for me, but I'm still nervous about all of it. I'm still wondered about the unanswered questions.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Spring Cleaning Revisited
Updates, changes and where that puts us now. What's been going so write that we haven't wanted to whine and blog?
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
The Catch Up Post - First Job and Really Good State School
Contributor: Paralith
Woah, I'm behind. Sorry about that guys. I completely missed the whole first job topic. Let me try to make it up.
The First Job ... Will be Harder to Get Than You Think It Will.
The last year and a half of college, I worked as a research assistant in two genetics labs (sequentially, not simultaneously). I was proud of myself for having done so, and after graduation I received so many congratulations and pats on the back and sentiments of confidence that I was sure I would have little difficulty finding a job when I moved out to a big city with my boyfriend (who was moving there for a job he had already procured).
*wrong answer buzzer noise*
Partly, my overconfidence did me in. I applied to some places, and then sat back and relaxed, figuring that any time now, I'd get the call for the interview and shortly after that be offered a job. Partly, my exultation at being DONE with school did me in. I was out! I was free! After 16+ straight years of educational responsibilities, I figured I deserved to spend a few months without having to do SHIT.
The hammer of reality came down on my head when finally, after waiting for nearly a month to hear back from the last place I had interviewed at, I was officially turned down. I didn't have what it took. In desperation to get off my butt and do SOMETHING, I turned to temping, which had the generally nightmarish results that most people report. Don't get me wrong, I met some nice people. And it was probably good for me to get my nose rubbed into the grindstone of menial and irritating labor to really motivate me to get a job in my field. But damn I never want to go back there again.
At that point, I was finally ready to really WORK on finding a job. To search and scrounge and apply everywhere to everything and use every interviewing trick in the book. That's what it takes. And it worked out for me, granted in a way that was kind of a fluke, as I've mentioned before.
In the process of sending my application to about five different postings in a row one day, I missed the fine print of one posting that stated the position was for a postdoc. Oops. After realizing that, I figured I'd just never hear from them. Fortunately for me, shortly after the postdoc position opened, a research assistant position opened at the same place, and my current boss just considered my application for that position. And called me, and hired me. But it's a damn good thing I never saw that postdoc note, or I would never have applied.
I really enjoy my job. I'm doing active research, I'm learning a LOT, the experience will be invaluable for my future, and for the most part, the people I'm working with are really great too (and even if they aren't, their quirks make for greatly amusing stories for me to tell my friends). I do have some complaints, which would be more serious if I was planning on spending several years here - but as an intermediate step between undergrad and grad school, it's been great. (And I've had money and benefits and that's IMPOSSIBLE to complain about.)
Really Good State School (Or, Regularly Scheduled Program Interruption Continued Yet Again)
Is it just me, or does it seem to be a really small-town mentality to assume that if there's a good school in your home neighborhood, and some of your friends and family went there, you're in some way destined to go, and it's a strange and unexpected twist of fate if you don't? I dislike small-town mentalities. The world is not a small town. Shit don't always work that way.
I did go to Really Good State School, but I had my reasons for wanting to stay close to my family at the time. As I was starting college, my father was starting chemotherapy. In such a situation, it's convenient to have a good school in your home town. Plus, I was kind of a wimp at the time and the idea of moving out of state really did scare me (and I have great respect for Speak Coffee and City Girl for not being scared of it!). Either way, every person's needs and desires are different, and yes, I would be kind of insulted if someone implied that it was downright strange that my needs and desires happened to be different than what that person thought they should be.
Woah, I'm behind. Sorry about that guys. I completely missed the whole first job topic. Let me try to make it up.
The First Job ... Will be Harder to Get Than You Think It Will.
The last year and a half of college, I worked as a research assistant in two genetics labs (sequentially, not simultaneously). I was proud of myself for having done so, and after graduation I received so many congratulations and pats on the back and sentiments of confidence that I was sure I would have little difficulty finding a job when I moved out to a big city with my boyfriend (who was moving there for a job he had already procured).
*wrong answer buzzer noise*
Partly, my overconfidence did me in. I applied to some places, and then sat back and relaxed, figuring that any time now, I'd get the call for the interview and shortly after that be offered a job. Partly, my exultation at being DONE with school did me in. I was out! I was free! After 16+ straight years of educational responsibilities, I figured I deserved to spend a few months without having to do SHIT.
The hammer of reality came down on my head when finally, after waiting for nearly a month to hear back from the last place I had interviewed at, I was officially turned down. I didn't have what it took. In desperation to get off my butt and do SOMETHING, I turned to temping, which had the generally nightmarish results that most people report. Don't get me wrong, I met some nice people. And it was probably good for me to get my nose rubbed into the grindstone of menial and irritating labor to really motivate me to get a job in my field. But damn I never want to go back there again.
At that point, I was finally ready to really WORK on finding a job. To search and scrounge and apply everywhere to everything and use every interviewing trick in the book. That's what it takes. And it worked out for me, granted in a way that was kind of a fluke, as I've mentioned before.
In the process of sending my application to about five different postings in a row one day, I missed the fine print of one posting that stated the position was for a postdoc. Oops. After realizing that, I figured I'd just never hear from them. Fortunately for me, shortly after the postdoc position opened, a research assistant position opened at the same place, and my current boss just considered my application for that position. And called me, and hired me. But it's a damn good thing I never saw that postdoc note, or I would never have applied.
I really enjoy my job. I'm doing active research, I'm learning a LOT, the experience will be invaluable for my future, and for the most part, the people I'm working with are really great too (and even if they aren't, their quirks make for greatly amusing stories for me to tell my friends). I do have some complaints, which would be more serious if I was planning on spending several years here - but as an intermediate step between undergrad and grad school, it's been great. (And I've had money and benefits and that's IMPOSSIBLE to complain about.)
Really Good State School (Or, Regularly Scheduled Program Interruption Continued Yet Again)
Is it just me, or does it seem to be a really small-town mentality to assume that if there's a good school in your home neighborhood, and some of your friends and family went there, you're in some way destined to go, and it's a strange and unexpected twist of fate if you don't? I dislike small-town mentalities. The world is not a small town. Shit don't always work that way.
I did go to Really Good State School, but I had my reasons for wanting to stay close to my family at the time. As I was starting college, my father was starting chemotherapy. In such a situation, it's convenient to have a good school in your home town. Plus, I was kind of a wimp at the time and the idea of moving out of state really did scare me (and I have great respect for Speak Coffee and City Girl for not being scared of it!). Either way, every person's needs and desires are different, and yes, I would be kind of insulted if someone implied that it was downright strange that my needs and desires happened to be different than what that person thought they should be.
We Further Interrupt This Program
To follow up on City Girl's post ...
Honestly, I don't think you would have been happy at Really-Good-State-School. It wasn't on the East Coast for one, and theater and fencing weren't it's big focuses for two. At least you have a college degree that didn't come off the internet. You didn't go to a community college that accepts everyone who can pay, and you graduated in four years. The national average is now at 5 - 5.5 years spent in undergrad.
Besides, name recognition of undergrad (unless you went to uppercrust ivy league, not all the places that think they're ivy league but aren't) isn't good for much. Work samples and personal references from your old boss are. Internships to prove yourself with said old boss are. And then in your field there's name recognition. For example, if you study Latin at MIT I don't think anyone will care over much. Iowa never makes top ten lists as an overall institution (unless it's a really good football year) but their writing program is the undisputed No. 1 in the country for the past 25 years.
Oh, and if you read the manifest (mission statement, whatever) of Really-Good-State-School you'll see they don't give a crap about whether you're an in-state resident or not. They want to be seen as a "national" school.
Personally, I'm glad I didn't apply to Really-Good-State-School. People around here always wanted to know if you were planning to go there, if you got in there or not and it really pissed them off that I hadn't applied. I didn't want to go to the freakin school! I wanted to go someplace far enough away (preferably out of state) that my mother wouldn't show up unexpectedly. That I wouldn't be tempted to slink back to my parents houses every time something went wrong in college. I knew I needed to learn to be independent and going out of state helped me with that.
But more to the point why does this woman care so much? Honestly, where you went to school doesn't matter that much. Yes, in certain circles the weight of a good name does wonders, but for the most part life becomes about having that bachelors degree and proving yourself. Getting your foot in the door someplace and making the best of it. So long as you're alive, happy, and paying your bills so that the IRS/debt collectors don't come knocking, then your college days should be fond memories. Not a list of regrets based on facts and figures of which school is better on paper.
Honestly, I don't think you would have been happy at Really-Good-State-School. It wasn't on the East Coast for one, and theater and fencing weren't it's big focuses for two. At least you have a college degree that didn't come off the internet. You didn't go to a community college that accepts everyone who can pay, and you graduated in four years. The national average is now at 5 - 5.5 years spent in undergrad.
Besides, name recognition of undergrad (unless you went to uppercrust ivy league, not all the places that think they're ivy league but aren't) isn't good for much. Work samples and personal references from your old boss are. Internships to prove yourself with said old boss are. And then in your field there's name recognition. For example, if you study Latin at MIT I don't think anyone will care over much. Iowa never makes top ten lists as an overall institution (unless it's a really good football year) but their writing program is the undisputed No. 1 in the country for the past 25 years.
Oh, and if you read the manifest (mission statement, whatever) of Really-Good-State-School you'll see they don't give a crap about whether you're an in-state resident or not. They want to be seen as a "national" school.
Personally, I'm glad I didn't apply to Really-Good-State-School. People around here always wanted to know if you were planning to go there, if you got in there or not and it really pissed them off that I hadn't applied. I didn't want to go to the freakin school! I wanted to go someplace far enough away (preferably out of state) that my mother wouldn't show up unexpectedly. That I wouldn't be tempted to slink back to my parents houses every time something went wrong in college. I knew I needed to learn to be independent and going out of state helped me with that.
But more to the point why does this woman care so much? Honestly, where you went to school doesn't matter that much. Yes, in certain circles the weight of a good name does wonders, but for the most part life becomes about having that bachelors degree and proving yourself. Getting your foot in the door someplace and making the best of it. So long as you're alive, happy, and paying your bills so that the IRS/debt collectors don't come knocking, then your college days should be fond memories. Not a list of regrets based on facts and figures of which school is better on paper.
Monday, May 19, 2008
We Interrupt This Program...
To bring you a "bitch of the week."
I've been thinking about what I want to write for my "spring cleaning" post, BUT this just happened and I have to get it off my chest since it's pretty consistent with my complaints of the past.
The following conversation took place this past Saturday around noon. I had just finished a six mile walk (no I'm not kidding. YES this is City Girl. What do you mean you don't believe me???) and was sitting down to lunch with a friend and her family. After discussing jobs we fell into the inevitable school discussion, including majors, etc. and I then had the following exchange with her aunt (again, please keep in mind I had just walked six miles and was very hungry):
Aunt: "Where did you grow up?"
CG: "In ********, **"
Aunt: "Really? Isn't Really-Good-State-School there?"
CG: "Yep. A lot of my friends went there, including my current roommate."
Aunt: "But you went to Mediocre-Out-Of-State-School?"
CG: "Yeah."
Aunt: (Clearly flabbergasted) "Why?"
CG: "Well, I didn't get into Really-Good-State-School."
Aunt: "Even though you were in state?"
CG: "Yeah. Actually, my parents went there as well. It's where they met."
Aunt: "Your parents went there, and you grew up there, and you still didn't get in?"
CG: (Beginning to become irrate) "Yeah...well...I don't think my grades were good enough. It's a very good school. I was wait listed but didn't get in."
Aunt: "Wow. Were you surprised you didn't get in?"
CG: (Realizing that her irrate-ness is now becoming palpable. Hopes this will be a good indication that the conversation should end) "Not really, I guess. I mean, like I said, my grades weren't very good."
CG's Friend: (Trying to intervene, bless her heart) "What were their averages there?"
CG: "I don't really remember. It was over six years ago when I applied."
CG's Friend: "Well, Mediocre-Out-Of-State-School is pretty good."
CG: "Yeah, it's not bad."
Conversation is blessedly dropped as food arrives.
Ok, really, "Were you surprised that you didn't get in?" Who says that? I mean, I know circumstances were such that I was very tired, hungry, and therefore more emotionally sensitive than I otherwise would be. But really? Am I crazy for being offended by that comment? I suppose offended is the wrong word. Shocked at the audacity? I dunno. I'll let Speak Coffee choose a statement to best describe the above conversation. She is the writer. I mean, I didn't even get into Really-Good-State-School even though I grew up there and both my parents attended. Can you believe it???
I've been thinking about what I want to write for my "spring cleaning" post, BUT this just happened and I have to get it off my chest since it's pretty consistent with my complaints of the past.
The following conversation took place this past Saturday around noon. I had just finished a six mile walk (no I'm not kidding. YES this is City Girl. What do you mean you don't believe me???) and was sitting down to lunch with a friend and her family. After discussing jobs we fell into the inevitable school discussion, including majors, etc. and I then had the following exchange with her aunt (again, please keep in mind I had just walked six miles and was very hungry):
Aunt: "Where did you grow up?"
CG: "In ********, **"
Aunt: "Really? Isn't Really-Good-State-School there?"
CG: "Yep. A lot of my friends went there, including my current roommate."
Aunt: "But you went to Mediocre-Out-Of-State-School?"
CG: "Yeah."
Aunt: (Clearly flabbergasted) "Why?"
CG: "Well, I didn't get into Really-Good-State-School."
Aunt: "Even though you were in state?"
CG: "Yeah. Actually, my parents went there as well. It's where they met."
Aunt: "Your parents went there, and you grew up there, and you still didn't get in?"
CG: (Beginning to become irrate) "Yeah...well...I don't think my grades were good enough. It's a very good school. I was wait listed but didn't get in."
Aunt: "Wow. Were you surprised you didn't get in?"
CG: (Realizing that her irrate-ness is now becoming palpable. Hopes this will be a good indication that the conversation should end) "Not really, I guess. I mean, like I said, my grades weren't very good."
CG's Friend: (Trying to intervene, bless her heart) "What were their averages there?"
CG: "I don't really remember. It was over six years ago when I applied."
CG's Friend: "Well, Mediocre-Out-Of-State-School is pretty good."
CG: "Yeah, it's not bad."
Conversation is blessedly dropped as food arrives.
Ok, really, "Were you surprised that you didn't get in?" Who says that? I mean, I know circumstances were such that I was very tired, hungry, and therefore more emotionally sensitive than I otherwise would be. But really? Am I crazy for being offended by that comment? I suppose offended is the wrong word. Shocked at the audacity? I dunno. I'll let Speak Coffee choose a statement to best describe the above conversation. She is the writer. I mean, I didn't even get into Really-Good-State-School even though I grew up there and both my parents attended. Can you believe it???
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Spring Cleaning
Updates, changes and where that puts us now.
What's been going so write that we haven't wanted to whine and blog?
What's been going so write that we haven't wanted to whine and blog?
Saturday, April 5, 2008
My first job...and my first real job
First of all, let me apologize for being scarce. Come to think of it, we've all been pretty scarce. I know we've all be dealing with a lot lately, but I think we should get back on track with this blog.
I'll start.
So my first job when I graduated college was working at a convenience store. Yes, no lie. The only job qualifications were that you had to be able to count from 1-10 and understand basic English. Basic. English. I can't really tell you why I did it other than that I wanted to make some extra cash while I was acting over the summer.
Maybe I should consider those two acting gigs to be my first job? I did get paid for it...
Well anyway, I've had lots of craptastic jobs. While I was in college I was a telemarketer and an office assisant for a nearby college. Then there was convenience store hell. After I moved to the city I worked for six months for a high-end department store that shall remain nameless. It kind of made me want to slit my wrists and I still have nights when I wake up in a cold sweat from dreams that I still work there. After that I worked as a temp for six months which was good, bad, and inconsistent.
Then I decided I didn't want to be an actress anymore because not having a steady, 9-5, salaried job in a big city is bull shit. I have great admiration for the true artistic souls out there that can survive on ramen noodles and live in a cardboard box while they work on their craft. I am not one of them. I need some consistancy in my life. I also need shoes.
So now, I am happy to announce that I am, for the first time, officially employed. Beginning April 14th I will be a publicist for a Broadway and off-Broadway PR office. This is where I was interning, and I was not expecting them to make me a job offer. But they did. And I took it. And I'm freaking psyched.
So what was my first paying job after graduating college? As far as I'm concerned, this is it.
And the heavenly choirs of angels rejoiced.
I'll start.
So my first job when I graduated college was working at a convenience store. Yes, no lie. The only job qualifications were that you had to be able to count from 1-10 and understand basic English. Basic. English. I can't really tell you why I did it other than that I wanted to make some extra cash while I was acting over the summer.
Maybe I should consider those two acting gigs to be my first job? I did get paid for it...
Well anyway, I've had lots of craptastic jobs. While I was in college I was a telemarketer and an office assisant for a nearby college. Then there was convenience store hell. After I moved to the city I worked for six months for a high-end department store that shall remain nameless. It kind of made me want to slit my wrists and I still have nights when I wake up in a cold sweat from dreams that I still work there. After that I worked as a temp for six months which was good, bad, and inconsistent.
Then I decided I didn't want to be an actress anymore because not having a steady, 9-5, salaried job in a big city is bull shit. I have great admiration for the true artistic souls out there that can survive on ramen noodles and live in a cardboard box while they work on their craft. I am not one of them. I need some consistancy in my life. I also need shoes.
So now, I am happy to announce that I am, for the first time, officially employed. Beginning April 14th I will be a publicist for a Broadway and off-Broadway PR office. This is where I was interning, and I was not expecting them to make me a job offer. But they did. And I took it. And I'm freaking psyched.
So what was my first paying job after graduating college? As far as I'm concerned, this is it.
And the heavenly choirs of angels rejoiced.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)